Coming soon -- THEY SERVE -- the web series that tells the true story of dedicated Social Workers, School Teachers, and Civil Service clerks and Tepee, the webzine dedicated to the urban, native American.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

9/26/2006  Great Britain ***@aol.com

Hey,

An urgent update from our sock laboratories in England!
We have discovered a "homing call" similar to that of whales can be heard if the sock is placed within a small container with only recording equipment for company and left for 6 weeks. The illustrious noises that emit from its mouth can not be described with words. It moved many of my hardened colleagues to tears and is even more emotive that Titanic mixed together with a funeral march.

    So my fellow socketias, there you have it, if you ever wondered why your sock, however far or near, has managed to get back to you this is why! However, unfortunately not all socks are raised in a environment that enables them to learn this technique. But spread the word and soon, just maybe, we dare to hope that one day all socks will return to their owners and peace shall reign over us all!
Yours
Professor of Socks Miss Olivia Luder PHdmHKugHISOCKSOCKklfkjg

7/12/2006 -- Great Britain

I think that socks are self-realized beings waiting for the day they can access their muscles through their kind of deep brain stimulation (extreme foot odour) when this is achieved they walk to Hockford in Little Ingleton in Surrey, Britain and all sink down together. However the sad sad sadness of this is that of a pair only one can go while the other is left to dwindle unused and uncared for in the bottom of a drawer. Sad isn't it!
Your
Professor of Socks Miss Olivia Luder
 

Bureau Lauded in Magazine

An excellent story about the Bureau can be found in the January/February issue of Today's Christian Woman.  It was written by author and famed watercolorist Janice Tingum.

 Watch this space for more info on our IPO.

 NEW BUREAU CHIEF IN ANTIGUA

Valerie Smithe Lee Antigua's star Calypso sensation has been named director of the Bureau's local office.  Her new single "My  Sock Went Far Away" is about to hit the charts.  Visitors to that island with a sock problem can contact her.

Click here for more great sock people. SOCK MATCH LEADS TO CALIFORNIA HITCHING 
Jonathan Colby of Tuluca Lake, California, got more than foot warmer for Xmas when he listed a white, ribbed, sports sock purchased at the Broadway Department Store in our missing socks data base. A near perfect match was made with a single owned by Gloria Reynolds of West Hollywood. They decided to compare socks in person and it was love at first sight. Married on December 23rd in LA the couple say that they owe it all to the Bureau. (Note: Gloria found Jonathan's missing mate when she cleaned his apartment for the first time. He never looked in the bookcase.)

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

 Rare Medical Condition. Sock Eating Syndrome 
Source: Medical Tribune News Service 
SEATTLE - A 22-year-old woman was diagnosed with a rare medical condition, in which she craved consumption of socks. She was earthbound half a sock each evening. She also told doctors that as a teen-ager she chewed on and swallowed clothing. She was hospitalized after suffering from nausea and vomiting. The doctors found a large bezoar in her stomach. She was diagnosed with a rare condition known as pica, in which a person craves nonfood items. Previous to this incident, doctors have reported cases of people eating dirt, hair, chalk, clay, glue and other nonfood items. This is the first case of sock eating "Often, when people have a craving it is because they are lacking something in their diet," said Atif Awad, an associate professor of nutrition at the University of Buffalo. "If you don't give salt to cows, they start licking the walls," he added..
   
 


Jan and Ann

 Have to bring
Hollywood's hottest
hunk 		  to the lower school's
Sock Hop.		    Before they're done -
He demands

a
Chaperone

Click to purchase!


  

WebSite

The Sultan

WOODSOCK - 2007
Sock and Roll at the event of the century. Preparations are in full swing for the music festival to end all music festivals. So, if you're foot loose and fancy free, order your tickets now through funbureau.com   Count them .... one hundred bands! .... Unbelievable? .... Stomp and romp on a mountain of un-matched socks higher than Everest. Cash awards for the team who finds the most matched pairs in the pile. View daily feats of sockanery .... Sir Blue Nose of Carlton, the world's champion sock sniffing hound, will demonstrate his talents every afternoon at 3 .... Play Celebrity Socks and win valuable prizes .... Visit the two acre flea market and shop to till drop .... and .... much more. Keep your toes glued to SOCK NEWS for further announcements.

FORGET ABOUT SPORTS STARS

The Bureau of Missing Socks Announces the trading cards you have been waiting for: "Socks that have Changed the World!" A full color, limited edition, containing such gems as the socks Caesar wore when he crossed the Rubicon, Napoleon's battle socks, and much much more! This addition to your collection will grow in value as only five thousand are being printed. This offer is limited to ten sets to a customer so reserve yours now by emailing us. There is a pre-publication special of .... of an unbelievable .... $8.75 per set.

 

SOCK IT TO ME

October will see the addition of the hottest new page to ever appear on the Internet. And -- it will be right here at your favorite site. The single resource for sock humor. Puns, anecdotes, limericks, and lyrics, relating to socks of all kinds. It will be entirely user generated so if you know why the fireman wore red socks or one better, email you gems to: Funbureau Com .If your contribution is used, you will receive full credit and a Bureau approved pair of socks!

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES IN SOCK ENFORCEMENT
The Bureau of Missing Socks is expanding. This is your opportunity to become a undercuffer investigator, Pedi-Forensic Scientist, Knitologist. The growth of our data base services and commercial division has created openings for systems designers, programmers, technical writers. MBAs are being recruited for our Fast Track CEO program. A recruitment page has been installed on this site allowing patrons to take our all in one aptitude test and become Bureau Special Agents. 		 We are also searching for dogs to be trained as qualified sock hounds. If you think you have a pet with this unique, singular talent the Bureau will certify him. Email us at  funbureau.com  

The Bureau Goes Commercial

Washington, D.C. April 1, 1997. Due to demand and the new pro-business out look in this country's capital, commercial venues are now accorded the privilege of advertising on this site! Get your message to every sock wearer in the world. Send for our rate card today. (All advertisements are subject to approval by the board of directors of The Bureau of Missing Socks.) For a rate card, email: Funbureau com

SOCKS FOUND

Zac Konkol
I would like to report that while driving the other day, I happened across a 
box with several misplaced socks in them.  Their description is as follows
1) Olive dress sock, medium, solid colored, ankle high
2) White sport sock with Nike symbol, knee high, large
Hope this will be of some use to you with missing socks.

Jeffery
I have just retrieved a sock from the back of the car. Itıs been in there since our holiday to France in 1994. It first hid under the front seat but later took up residence somewhere near the spare wheel. But now it has returned. Only one problem remains - where is the other one?
=====
Mark Petty 
The following is a true story. Just today, I had a junk car dealer haul off my old 1981 Escort station wagon. It had been parked in my garage for seven years. When they moved my car, I found a sock (navy with red herringbone checks) that I had lost. The sock was gone so long that I threw away its mate five years ago. Actually, that's not true; I think I made that sock into a dog toy for Pete, my Dalmatian. I'm not sure what the significance of this story is, other than I am apparently destined to always have a single navy sock with red herring-bone checks. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but it's nice to think that perhaps someone cares.

TULSA
One yellow sock was found today in the street by 31st and Memorial in Tulsa. After extensive care at Sock Rehab and Medical Center it is now ready to return to it's mate. Please help us find it's home!

Send all socks found announcements to: Click to email me
Los Angeles -- The Mervin Blakes of North Hollywood, California found a sock missing since 1976. Their house recently burned to the ground destroying everything ... When they were digging through the ashes of their possessions, a charred floor board gave way, and, much to their joy, they discovered a totally undamaged single sock that had been missing for 19 years. 8/09/05 
=====
5/26/05 New York City -- Richard Cleeve, the President of the Board of a Cooperative Apartment Building in NYC, the Almondo, reports today that seven hundred odd socks had been recovered from the apartment of a demented tenant who has been stealing them from the laundry room for over three years. The tenant's only defense was he was getting even with the other tenants who were taking one of his socks every time he did the wash. In addition to the socks a vast quantity of arms and ammunition was found in his flat.

Stephane Megecaze 
 
On my way back from university, I found a single dark blue (left) sock, possibly abandoned. I took it with me and I'm currently looking after it since it seems to have suffered from mistreatments. I may have to knit a bit this weekend to keep it alive and wearable. I already have many socks and cannot keep this one, so if you recognize this sock or wish to adopt it, please mail me and I'll send it back to you (you're lucky I
didn't call the SPA, Socks Protection Agency, for abandoning it!).

Color: dark blue
Type : left foot
Size: 44 (European size)
Wounds: needs a few stitches and knitting
Found in Brussels, Belgium